The Thing About Things
by Yeshiva Guy
BadforShidduchim was talking about Things the other day. I couldn’t resist taking a stab at this (not least of all because I had this cutesy title for it). So here goes. I think that Things are great. And terrible. Depends on the person.
Take Bad4, for example. Clearly one who knows Things.
Bad? Nope. Good? Nope. Neither. The sum total of her Things is neither good nor bad. It’s a nice fat zero. Because the thing about Things is this: No matter who you are, no matter what you know, it’s what you do with the information that will determine your life course, and who you should travel the course with. It’s about how you utilize the Things, or don’t.
So your potential partner might know a little more about the world than you do? So what! You will never, ever, find someone who knows precisely the same amount of Things as you do. You’ll always either be marrying someone who knows more Things than you, or less Things.
The bottom line?
As Aubrey Graham says:
“The thing is, life is random…If you’re lucky enough to find someone you love, who loves you back, it’s a gift.”
Which translated into Jewish speak means that if you find your zivug, go for it. Don’t look back, or to the side, because there are Things involved.
I think what bad4 means about knowing things, is the ability to appreciate that the other is knowledgeable about the world around them and not just happy to live in the bubble they do.
As a person who knows things myself (try playing me trivial pursuit, a good barometer of thing knowledge) its more important that the couple recognize the others strengths and weaknesses, and appreciate them. If lack of thing knowledge translates into a lack of respect for the other person then it is unhealthy.
Not sure if that’s what Bad4 meant or not, but either way, I can agree with that.
I totally agree. However, I think what a guy/girl is more interested in is what knowing Things says about a person’s intellectual curiosity, open-mindedness, interests; basically, what character traits it’s indicative of, not precisely what their knowledge is.
That being said, love doesn’t conquer all, and it’s good to have someone on the same page as you. While they might not be interested in the same Things, it’s probably helpful if they have an interest in Things as well. I know a guy who knows Things and married a girl who couldn’t care less. Is a part of him squelched? Probably. Does it matter to him in the long run? Probably not. He can talk to friends about his “Things.” But for someone like you…you think you could do that?
p.s. Interesting to see you referencing bad4!
Yeshiva Guys in general are very good at discussing the (few) Things we know with other people. You might say we’re proud of our precious little Things knowledge, so we attempt to display it when we can.
I don’t think, however, not displaying it would seriously squelch all but the most Gaonishe of Thing chevra though…@ayeshivisharry, maskim?
Re P.S.;
Moment of weakness. I’ll try not to in the future:-)
In this person’s case, he married someone who is interested in recipes and Shabbos pajamas; he is more intellectual. He reads biographies, she reads Binah magazine. Maybe he’s not squelched, he’s definitely happy, but I still feel bad a little…
You’d be okay with never being able to have an intellectual conversation with your wife? I know that the married people say you never have time for that anyway, and it comes down to kids and bills, but I don’t know, I still think you need to be somewhat on the same page intellectually.
p.s.
Gotta learn some tips before coming home? 