Life of Yeshiva Guy

So Rafi over at LifeinIsrael has a hilarious Chumra of the Month posted.

This is MBD (Mordechai Ben David) performing the title track of his new CD, called Kulam Ahuvim.

Thursday night. The mere mention of this date/time combo can and does have Bochurim everywhere drooling. The Yeshiva Bochur’s single and only true vacation during the zman. Fridays don’t count because, well, the oilam is poofing from the Thursday night extravaganzas. And even upon the eventual wakeup from that fitful slumber induced by pounds of pitzuchim plus the breweries of beer bottles consumed, one must prepare for Shabbos, etc. This leaves only Shabbos, which of course is no fun. Not that it isn’t relaxing,kadosh, and all that, but it ain’t fun. Motzei Shabbos is somewhat of a contender, but since Sunday is a regular day in the life of a Yeshiva Guy, not to mention Israelis in general, a self-imposed curfew is adhered to by most serious guys. Which leaves Thursday night.

So what is it, exactly, that we do on these vacation nights?

Before I continue, allow me to caution you, the dear reader, to pause for a moment and reflect before reading further. If your musag, your idea of Yeshiva Bochurim are rows and rows of white-shirt clad teenagers sitting in front of old, musty tomes and smoking up a storm whilst debating the intricacies of theGeonim of ages past, read no further. Not that the latter isn’t true (especially the smoking part), but the fact of the matter is that everyone needs a breather. Bochurim have three. Bein Hazmanim (Succos, Pesach, and Summer), Bein Hasdorim (After davening, in between 1st and 2nd seder, and in between 2nd seder and night seder), and Thursday nights, which are a little of both.

And now, onwards and upwards delving into the mind of Bochurim. A final word of caution. It can be a dangerous place to spend too much time in, so if you are reading this and aren’t a bochur, caveat lector.

We are highly pressured individuals. This is a fact. For those who have never personally experienced the Yeshiva world, try to imagine the intellectual rigors of Advanced-whatever college subject you studied, magnified tenfold. Then delete whatever activities you used to kick back and relax, be it sports, clubbing, or even reading a novel or two. Such delights are by and large forbidden to us, with good reason, and we require other forms of relaxation. Enter Thursday nights.

Your average bochur returns to the dira between 11-2 on a Thursday evening. Depending on what time he ended night seder, there may or may not be a cholent place still open. Options range from the reigning king of cholent, Deitsch in Meah Shearim, to Nehadar off of Malchei Yisroel, or other assorted grease joints that offer their own semi-homemade pots of the stuff for sale exclusively on Thursday nights. Alternatively, for the hard up among us, or those connoisseurs who simply can’t stand the oil filled pots sold in Yerushalayim and prefer their own oil filled crock pots full of the toxic batter/brew, there is the homemade option. Which of course has bochurim the world over in an uproar over the pots that inevitably don’t get cleaned for months on end…

(Have you ever seen leftover cholent that has been left to its own devices for a half year? I have. It isn’t a pretty sight. Except to the petri-scientists worries about the potential extinction of fungus. And even they cringe, or so I’m told.)

So typically, we kick back with a cholent, or whatever other form of sustenance is available to us, and we’ll swig a swallow of beer (or two, or three) and schmooze. That’s it. Just schmooze. About everything and nothing. You know those intelligent fellows you meet up who shock you with their “worldliness”? Yup. It all comes from those Thursday night b**l sessions. Long, intense, and wide-ranging, there are almost no limits as to the topics they can cover. I’ve schmoozed with , or heard guys schmoozing about, on one random occasion or another, the following diverse concerns:

Quantum physics, cooking/recipes, nanotechnology, Mayan anthropology, genetics, secular authors like Grisham and others, solar physics, Chinese politics, and other such sundry subjects.

As mentioned above, liberal amounts of beer or other light alcoholic beverages are consumed, as well as cigarettes by the carton. Marlboro Lites are the preferred cancer stick of choice, although the more hard-core among us may prefer Reds at times. The story goes that the Rabbonim of a number of Yeshiva’s were planning on banding together to levy a ban against these Leil Shishi parties. Supposedly, the execs at Phillip Morris caught wind of the plan, and donated a new wing to BMG (Lakewood) under an assumed name- (Rachein Vaiter)- and to this day you can find that name on the “In Memoriam” plaque in Yoshon (the old Beis Medrash in Lakewood).

And so the next time you find yourself in the embarrassing position of losing a debate to a Yeshiva Guy in a secular subject, simply challenge his source for his argument/data. And watch him cave like a dira of cards, and thank The Yeshiva Guy inside.

And so until next Thursday night, it’s me, your loyal Yeshiva Guy, bringing you the inside scoop of everything Yeshivish. Stay holy brothers!

“The Time is…Now”.

Ever meet one of Yerushalayim’s holiest people? No, I don’t mean the tzaddikim, gedolim, Rebbes, or any of the other immediate options that come to mind when thinking of Yerushalayim’s kedoshim.

I mean the beggars, indigents, and other denizens of Yerushalayim’s streets. These people roam the streets of Yerushalayim, going unnoticed, but providing all of us with daily opportunities at bettering ourselves.

Just this Leil Shabbos, I had such an encounter of the first degree. Walking down Malchei Yisroel late Friday night, I observed the beggar whom I call “Zeger Yid” sitting at his usual Friday night post- on the green bench near the corner of Rechov Yosef ben Matisyahu. He was occupied with his usual activity- asking the varied passerby the same question, every five minutes or so. “Ir hut de zeger“? In English, that is “Do you have the time”? This innocuous question, framed by a grunt or two, somehow scares off most people, and they continue on past. A select few do pause, roll up their sleeve, and humor our Yid with an answer.

On this Shabbos evening, the weather was nice. I wasn’t in any particular hurry, and decided to give this Yid a little time. So after walking directly up to his bench, I bravely sat myself down to his right. Silently, we both stared at the foot traffic for a minute or so. Then, in what must have been a first for him, I asked him; “Reb Yid, hust de zeger“? (Do you have the time”?). He answered me with a sidelong glance and a monosyllabic “Elef a’zeger” (Eleven O’clock).

A few minutes more of watching the passing people and I ventured a “Nu, vos is naies“? (Nu, what’s news?). He grumbles an indecipherable something in answer. Oh well…so much for the pearls of Torah I was hoping to hear from my Tzaddik Nistar. And then he surprises me. And there’s a funny thing about this- you’d think I’d have acquired some sort of immune system that would protect me from being surprised by our people, our Yidden. But no- I haven’t, or at least not as of yet.

He surprises me by requesting of me “Zug mir Tatzliach” (Wish me Success). The first time he said it in his unclear, hard to understand Yiddish I had to ask him to repeat himself. He did, and the second time around I understood him. He was asking me! to give him a brachah. I half whispered “Tatzliach“, and looked away. But our holy beggar didn’t give up. Again, he asked me “Zug mir Zeit Gezunt” (Tell me to Be Well). So again, I bentched him. And got up to leave before I got another request, the next one proving more difficult then the first two.

Of course, as I turned to take leave of this holy Jew, you know what I did, right?

I asked him…”Zug mir Tatzliach“. And he did. And who knows- maybe I will be, but no doubt at the right time…after all, the brachah came from the beggar who should know all about timing.