The below list contains some obvious actions/habits that average Bochurim lack.

When performed, for some odd reason, the waiter/waitress inevitably stares.

Apparently Bochurim or Yeshiva Guys just don’t do these things…

Any habits left out welcomed.

-Fire off the French/Italian words on the menu without stuttering. Knowing what the words actually mean is even more impressive. Extra points for proper pronunciation.

-Understanding that the entree is the main course, not the appetizer. For some odd reason, almost all Bochurim have this one confused. And if you aren’t sure, don’t make a fool of yourself and all other Bochurim by pretending to know and incorrectly announcing that you’d “like the Soup du Jour-Jours are mushrooms, right?” for your entree.

-Coherently yet softly thank the server when he/she brings/clears table items. Looking at the waitress is not necessary- “Kavod Habrios is just pretend”. BONUS POINTS: Anyone who can identify the above lyric’s source album.

-Possess the class to switch your mobile/kosher phone to vibrate. This ain’t shul, and while people aren’t attempting to communicate with G-d, they are trying to communicate with others. Bear in mind that not everyone is acclimated to the successful exchange of ideas in a room with hundreds of simultaneously screaming voices.

-This is the biggie. Tipping like a mentsch. You’re guaranteed to provoke a full on did-you-just-arrive-from-planet-nonBochur if you do this. Increase the the tip to something in the normal range (10-15%) and you’re assured longevity in your server’s mental book of standout patrons. Tip somewhere in the normal range for America (18-20%), and you’ve secured for yourself a plaque on the wall of the restaurant.

With regards to lack of the above behaviors in my worthy peers, I only have one thing to say…As Twain said “Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.” But for those chevra, I wouldn’t have a loyal coterie of servers jumping to my every command at my favorite places. Of course, I exaggerate. But only slightly.