An Open Letter to Seminary Girls
Posted by Yeshiva Guy | Posted in Malchei Yisroel, Seminary Girls, geulah | Posted on 03-09-2009
28
In a tradition dating back to the opening of the doors of the first seminary way back when in the fifties, the second week of Elul is host to an ingathering of exiles, so to speak. I refer to the yearly migration of that nasty, vile creature colloquially known as the Sem Girl. Otherwise known as our holy seminary sisters. Yes, every year around this time they invade Geulah. They take Malchei Yisroel and transform it from the once sleepy Yerushlayamer shopping and food center it was into a yearlong virtual sleepover.
Somehow, the Ribono Shel Olam has seen fit to force us, Yeshiva Guys, and them to co-exist in the same space. And like many other things in life, this is something I don’t understand; yet I accept it. But I do have some things I want to get off of my chest…
Every year, us Yeshiva Guys moan and groan about these issues. We go on the same diatribes, vent recurrently to ourselves, and wish things were different. Well, this year I’m determined to change all that. So below find some of the many things that you do to tick us off- kindly take note, and refrain from doing so.
Don’t:
-Talk loudly on your pelephones about nothing. If you must do so, at least make sure to slowly and clearly, enunciating every syllable, list off your fathers’ bank accounts so I, too, can enjoy unlimited cakes from Moishy’s Bakery.
-Wear Crocs in public. This is NOT cool, and does not fit in with the Bas Melech image your teachers will be attempting to brainwash into you over the next year.
-Daven mincha on the street because shkiah “just…happened” and you have no place to daven. Either watch your watch, like we do, or don’t daven. As much as it may pain you to learn this, females ARE NOT BOUND BY TIME-RELATED COMMANDMENTS!
-Loudly barter with the shopkeeper as if he were deaf in your Americanized Harry-ess Ivrit that you think you’re proficient in. You’re not. Either learn and speak the language with the local accent, or stick with the English you don’t know. Trust me, the locals understand your English better than your Ivrit.
-Feel the need to litter the entire Yerushalayim with the yellow/purple/clear plastic/paper cups that you just got from Fro-Yo or Sams or Mitzei Uri. It’s nice that you enjoy them, and it’s wonderful that you’re supporting local merchants and all, but really, what about recycling?
-Rave about Rabbi Orlofsky’s shiur last night that is definitely, positively, OMG OMG gonna change your life. We all know it won’t. And if really was such a life changer, you wouldn’t still be sipping that Mitz Pri as you stroll down Yechezkel. Only dogs eat/drink in the street. Not people. Or even sem girls.
-Feel like you have to go to the Machlis’, the Blind Couple, and every other chavayah during your stay here. You can still be Jewish without going to those people. I know, because I still am. I think.
-Use the default ringer on your Disposa-phone that came with your seminary’s suggested student plan. Hashem gave you kids all that creativity and individuality to be able to create all those plays and singa-thons and dances and whatever. Express it. If I hear that la-di-dah-di-dah one more time I may just…
-Feel obligated to take over Sams Bagels between 1-4 every afternoon. How about just ordering your food and taking it back to your dorm, huh? I’ll arrange for the teenaged Israeli shibob with the knockoff UnderArmour spray shirt to give you an oversized bag so everyone will know you went…M’kay?
-Be scared to take Arab taxis. Your seminary Giveret is bluffing you. The story about the girls who took one once and…yeah. It never happened. Sorry, I know Israel is much more exciting that way, but…
-Buy leather-bound Tehillims/Siddurim for all of your cousins/aunts/uncles. That creativity thing? Again, demonstrate.
-And finally,under NO circumstances are you to enter Pitzuchei Moshiach. PM is a male-only establishment. Aside from the narrow aisle issue, PM is just…well…sacred. Don’t defile it. Go to any one of the other fine nut houses.
So welcome to our town. Geulah is our turf. You can have Har Nof, Sortozkin, MInchas Yitzchak, Ramat Eshkol, and the other shchunos. But Geulah is our turf. We own it.
And the truth is, you aren’t welcome. So adios, and seeya back in America.
Not until Shidduchim, though…hopefully.
nice!
i can't tell if you're trying to be funny or if you are really just a nasty misogynist. why don't you just stay in your beis if you really have a problem with these girls. and i love crocs and i will never give them up even if they don't fit into your definition of a bas melech. focus on the internals and not on these stupid external details. one more thing, you might want to look up mishna brurah siman 106 seif katan 4 before you put on your caps lock.
Tzip:
Note the "Bas Melech image your teachers"…focus on your teachers. Personally, I doubt many of you have that potential.
Kidding. Really. The entire above post was meant completely tongue-in-cheek.
And while I'm impressed with your erudition, again, see the above.
-YG
Tzip, what are you getting so upset about? This was a great post, Yeshiva Guy, this is definitely getting printed out for my 12th grade sister. I'm in total agreement with almost all your points, and I went to seminary in EY too. Don't ever wear crocs in public (or in private, for that matter); they're beyond ugly, and don't drink Mitz Uri in the street, and seminary is not about chavayahs (I didn't go any of those places, for fear of being a "typical seminary girl")!
Anon:
Good for you. Stay yeshivish!
Tzip- I'm gonna say this once so listen up. Don't ever wear crocs in public. They are't cute and no one likes how they look on you. Unless you are of the age 8 and younger, you just look stupid in them. Sorry.
Wow. You’re opinions are just so wise, great, amazing, and the last word in fashion. What would I do without you?
I’m not sure. What did you do before I cam around? Read YWN all day? At least now you have some quality reading material…:-)
Four-word summary of the post:
“Ooh, girls have cooties.”
Between your smoking habits, lack of derech eretz to other Jews who you decided aren’t even Jews, your ignorance and arrogance and here your unbelievable contempt for members of the opposite sex, I feel so sorry for the young woman who has such low self esteem that she could envision sharing a life, a bed and children with you. And may you never have daughters.
Umm… ok? Not sure what you’re referring to, but are you sure you put on your foil hat before you typed this up? They’re coming for ya, you know.
You have quite an extensive English vocabulary for a yeshiva bochur. Impressive.
Impressed, or Impressive?
I’m impressed that you have an impressive vocabulary.
“Geulah is our turf.” Whatever are you going to do about Mesores Rochel, then?
It’s a problem.
True Story:
They were originally going to buy the building/complex across from Brisk, on Yeshayahu and Pri Chadash. R’ AJ found out about it before it happened, and flipped his lid.
Not sure what the good Rebbetzin Tarshish was thinking in the first place, but there ya go. Bottom line? They aren’t located in that building.
Anyway, we’re all for a campaign to kick them out. Interested in joining?
Maybe Bayit Vegan didn’t have any vacant buildings at the time? You could always look around for one now and then secretly slip the information into her mailbox…
re females ARE NOT BOUND BY TIME-RELATED COMMANDMENTS!
What relevance is that to women’s obligation to daven Mincha?
None. This has been pointed out before (one of the first comments here, and numerous times on the Matzav post). The piece was meant tongue in cheek; I didn’t think I have to be accurate l’fei kol hadaos. Next time I’ll be more careful.
Are you really a yeshiva bachur? your vocabulary is impressive, but I don’t think it appropriate for yeshiva bachurim to spend there time “chating” with girls.
and my father would flop if he read your thing about mincha, it is an obligation, and gilrs who are in the street at shkia time (they should plan in advance though) should stop and daven regardless.
Chatting? How so?
And yes, I am a bona fide yeshiva bochur. I hope *pinching cheeks and hat to make sure*- yup, still am.
Wrong. Ask any modern-day poskim if its proper for a girl to daven in public like that. Also see the shmoozen from R’ Shalom Shechter
Ah! A fellow Nesivos Sholom afficiando. My copy is well worn, fear not.
A little/lot late here but great post.
As a bochur who lived in geula I echo your sentiments.
Thanks.
Hmm… Didn’t know there were any Chabad yeshivos in Geulah??
This is quite funny actually. But also kind of mean. I had my ’sem’ year last year. luckily, I didnt do any of those things.
kind of rude to say its your ‘turf’ and no girls allowed, dont you think?
Not at all; it was a trade. I gave them all the other shchunos. In fact, strictly speaking turf-wise, they got the better of the deal.
I find this amusing.
I was a seminary girl (unfortunately), but not the regular kind; I went to a more liberal school that had a half-day art/music program, so everyone at our school was annoyed by all these loudmouthed, ugg-wearing, horrible-accent-bearing girls.
One even came up to one of us and asked in the most obnoxious non-accent, “Efshaaawwr t’moonaw?” It was quite entertaining.
I hope everyone listens to these rules.
Even though I have davened mincha on the street while waiting for a bus b/c I knew I’d forget once I got to my destination, and I felt like being an extra good Jew that day.